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Phys(ics)Geek
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"'Oh,' she says, 'You're changing...'"
I'm having more and more trouble lately pouring my heart out to this thing. It's like, I've got a lot of problems with my head (besides that physical) and I used to be able to clearly label and define those problems by writing things out here... but ever more frequently I find myself hiding from this diary. When I go for days without updating, its usually not because I'm too busy, or even because nothing has been going on... it usually happens when there's something that's desperately beseeching me cry out to the world and write down all that's wrong... And what happens is ten... fifteen... a hundred times I click the "Add an entry" link and stare at a white box afraid to tell it like it is... Why am I afraid? I don't know... I guess it stems from the same source as that which causes me to lock myself up most nights in either my room, my lab, or the observatory... I want, no I need, to be able to open up to someone, some thing; and it used to be that I'd open up to this website, spell out all my woes in eloquent, passive voice, (it's not as bad as your english teacher says it is...) but for some reason, as of late, I can't just sit down and say the things that I need to say... To this website and to certain people... it's all the same. If you ask my opinion on something, you're bound to get a longwinded list of my likes/dislikes with regards to it and more often than not, I'll narrate my stance using some obscure quote from some obscure source that makes me look a lot more intelligent than I am. (I swear, the next time you order coffee from the cute girl at Starbucks quote Kierkegaard or Heraclitus and see what happens... if you're of the same persuasion as I'll you'll enjoy it...) But lately, it seems that when someone asks my opinion on something, I tend to try and say something that is as noninflammatory as possible... something that will just get the person to leave me be... I don't know why I do it... but I do. And I think what the point of this little temperate tirade of mine, is that until I figure out how to express my feelings to certain people, and get some things off my chest... I'm going to continue in the downward spiral of perpetual loneliness that is going to lead to my solitary demise. Because I don't want to be some crazy old physics professor that hides from his students during the day and yells at toasters at night because they refuse to do his evil bidding... That would be a bad thing I think... Feeling:
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