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Phys(ics)Geek
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"I belong anywhere but in between..."
I'm tired and I shouldn't be. It's always like that, you know... feeling something you know you shouldn't but there's nothing you can really do about it is there? I went to the lab today, and managed to get some stuff done. The lab looks awesome... so much nicer. Tomorrow I'm going in too... You see, I do this thing, where I wake up and say: "I need a day off... I WILL NOT go to the lab today." And I sit around, usually doing nothing, and its gets to the point where I need something to keep my mind busy or I'll go crazy. I swear I think too damn much. You know, I just cannot stop thinking about all these millions of little things that are floating around in my head. Of course, there's no need to sit at my desk and get frustrated because I can't figure this or that out. I don't know, is anyone else like this? Do you accumulate problems and just mull them over and over and over in your head until you get to a critical capacity of thought and you just need something... almost mindless... just so you have something to focus your abilities on. I get like that. It's a curse, I swear. Always trying to express everything in the unvierse in terms of some empirical value... That's why I like the lab. Because, when I'm in the lab, I'm faced with problems that are solveable... "Hmm... that setup didn't work so well... but..." ::thinks:: "Yes... if I revert the power supply down to under 2A, and throw a rectifier in the ciruit... YES!!! Problem solved." Of course, I'm faced with thousands of little problems that take me five minutes to figure out how to fix... and when they take longer, I don't care because it's something useful. I don't mind spending five hours designing a better setup to show Kirchoff's laws... But spending five hours contemplating the existence of God... that just pisses me off. Why? Because with the experiment design I know that eventually I'll have something that works... a solution. But when I contemplate the ambiguities in life like the existence of God... that's when I start to get down on myself. Which is why I have insomnia, I think. Because every night, I lay in bed and think. I think about religion, calculus, the Standard Model, why I don't like who am... in short, all the unsolvable problems that exist in my sheltered little realm start crawling their way into my cerebral cortex, that part of my brain that makes me oh so good as a physicist, but completely inept when it comes to solving the intangible. But really, even that makes no sense to me. I'm good with the abstract. Hell, I'm going into goddamn high-energy physics, studying tiny bits of energy that aren't even possible to visually see, let alone have a natural ability to understand them... Someone can give me a question like... "Show that every subgroup of an abelian group is a normal subgroup." and the answer just appears in my head... I don't know what I'm thinking exactly... I just kind of wich I could turn my mind off for a few hours a day... just a few hours... Feeling:
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