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Phys(ics)Geek
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"I would gladly give... up everything."
The vicissitude of personality is never seen more clearly than in the way we handle ourselves in consistently recurring situations. The desire to become stable, that is, mutually unchangeable in perspective and opinion on any given subject, is the 'holy grail' for which we spend our young adult lives seeking. To attain such a feat as this indicates ones mental and emotional maturity and a clear notion of who we are and where we stand in the world. It is this feat which I, along with the majority of people who know what the phrase "Fo' shizzle" mean, have yet to achieve. I know what I want in life - a good job, a family, security - and I think that for the most part I'm on the right track. But, there are some things about my current 'status' that seem counterproductive to my goals. For instance, the fact that for all means and purposes, I lead a double life. In one, I am a physics geek, studying the nature of spacetime with mathematical intuition that could very easily be labeled as ingenius by lesser minds. In the other: I'm a lonely, antisycophantic, almost misanthropic. I hide my true self from the people I meet. Which, I think is almost understnadable considering the history I have. But that poses a problem for me because the people that show interest in me are always attracted to me for the wrong reasons, and the minute they see my true self they turn and head for the hills. I can't necessarily blame them I guess. I'm done now. I'm just tired of feeling alone in the universe. And, unfortuantely, that is a simple fact that I am reminded of almost every night. Feeling:
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