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Phys(ics)Geek
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"Where'd you want to go to, with nothing inside you, but webbing and curfews and rain?"
I don't care that others can so easily dismiss me as unworthy of their time. I'm quite used to it. But for once, just once, I would like to be thought of by someone and the feelings that are induced by those thoughts have a somewhat positive note to them. They don't necessarily have to make the person jump up and down with glee, but a smile or perhaps even merely a lack of loathing would be rather nice. A change of pace is always good, right? Anyway... I'm tired again today. And my headaches, after taking a break to go golfing, have once again returned. I wonder how long this one will last? I don't know what it is this time, but I'm unhappy. I feel as if I'm slacking in school even though I've aced every test of the quarter and my problem sets are returning to me with perfect scores written on them. I also feel as if going out with that girl was a mistake, because now, not only do I feel lonely, at the same time I feel as if I shouldn't even try to find someone right because the effort and heartache involved will make me go mad. I'm also quite confident that it didn't help with my confidence level any. (Read: I'm confident that I have no confidence.) And it was nice, because I used to have these feelings during the day, and then at night I could retreat away to the sanctity and safety of the internet. Bu,t now, times have changed, and my internet life only serves to establish new, greater precedents for my self-deprecation. I'm tired of my life being defined by those whom I am meaningless to, but those same people are those whom once defined me as in some way worthy of life. I'm rambling. I'm pissed off too, y'know. Fuck me. Feeling:
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