Phys(ics)Geek

"My goal in living is to unite my avocation and my vocation, as my two eyes make one in sight."
10.29.04 - 11:12 PM

Sometimes I feel as if I've wasted my life.

I know I shouldn't... By all accounts, I'm a rather sucessful young man with a bright future.

But I don't feel deserving of praise... nor do I think I work hard enough.

Which is ironic because, ask anyone, most would say I'm about the most dedicated person they know. I spend hours... days... working through problems on my own, when most would break down and quit...

But am I happy?

Such is the question I ponder almost continuously.

I'm happy when I finish a problem... and I'm happy the second after Dr. Tong calls me a great mathematician... and I'm happy when a professor says I'll get into any graduate program I want...

But, when I'm not working on a problem, and professors aren't waxing flattery, I'm just a guy that sits at home alone at night, every night, studying... learning.

I used to do things other than work, and I think I was more mentally stable... I used to play sports, and watch TV, go to the cinema, and just hang out with friends... now I spend Friday night thinking about Hamiltonians, writing papers on some random proofs from Hyperbolic Geometry that I find interesting... and wondering just how many different Legendr� Polynomials I can spew off from memory...

I don't really have a point... I'm just a lonely kid in a lab late at night on a Friday night...

(I read Frost today, 'twas a mistake.)

Feeling: Exhausted
Listening To: Blues Traveler - Runaround

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