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Phys(ics)Geek
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"I wanna walk with you, on a cloudy day..."
You know, my old journals used to have these long diatribes about why I want to fall in love someday and why I think that love is all nice and that to be in love would be the secret key that unlocks the door to happiness. But since I started this journal I don't write those things anymore. Which is against my nature, I must say. I'm a romantic... not a hopeless romantic... I used to be hopeless... maybe I still am but I don't think of myself as hopeless any more, for the simple fact that it's quite possible that I'll give up on my romantic notions eventually. I just don't know why I don't feel so... confidant... anymore. I remember the old days; the days of poetry and prose written to a beloved on a whim, and thinking that quite possibly life couldn't get any better, just because she smiled at me when I held her hand when we walked somewhere. I remember spending $350 on a life size teddy bear as a Valentine's Day gift... because she said she liked teddy bears. I remember writing in her yearbook: "If I could reach up and hold a star for each time you've made me smile, the entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand." Even though four months previously, right after getting the $350 teddy bear, she broke my heart. I don't really know... I don't have that spark that I used to when I first meet someone, mostly because I've discovered the probability of her actually being the one. I used to be able to charm that pants off of just about any girl that looked at me. Now I'm lucky if I get a sock. (Not literally, of course, that's just an analogy I chose. I'm a good boy... I swear.) But really, I need to just start realizing that Ms. Right isn't going to fall into my arms on her own... maybe if I figure this out I'll be able to get back into the game. The last, oh, three dates that I've went on have ended with... well... clearly nothing or you'd find something interesting in this diary once and a while, I s'pose. But, then again, all three of those girls just... I don't know... they weren't quite right. I mean, *digs hole deeper*, they were fine, smart, beautiful, blah blah blah I just didn't click with them. And you can tell, you really can. I just wish... I had someone that I wasn't afraid to open up too... someone I could actually be straightforward with and just talk to openly from the beginning. Just to meet someone and be able to share everything... that's what I want. Because, quite honestly, this damn thing is about the closest that I come to sharing my feelings, and for what going on that's actually quite limited. That's what I want. I'm not looking to score, or looking to say "yeah, that's my girlfriend"... I'm looking to be able to sit with someone for hours talking about everything... and to have someone to hold on to when I need to... And to have someone willing to tell me everything about them and hear everything about me. And to be the person she turns to first when she needs to talk or scream or cry or bitch or whine. Yeah... I guess maybe I am hopeless after all. Feeling:
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