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Phys(ics)Geek
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"Thought I might get a rocket ride, when I was a child, but it was a lie... that I told myself when I needed something good."
Whenever I sit down to write in this diary I always I have to delete three or four drafts before selecting a final one to post. I hate that. Why does this happen? Simple... I usually start off writing about my day, but to avoid blathering on about theoretical problems in this or that, I have to usually type cursory sentences like "I did math today." But if I actually go into details about what's going on in my "real" life, I typically end up alienating my readers... So, I usually give up talking about my day and try to write about how I'm feeling. This, one can say, causes even more problems. Mainly due to the fact that my exasperative writing style doesn't allow for blanket statements like "I'm sad again today" save for the occaisional instance of time-crunch. Therefore, what happens is I write these long windy diatribes about why I'm sad, and lonely, and possibly depressed (though I hate to admit it). These usually either serve to reinforce my sadness/loneliness/et cetera and usually also end up on the cutting room floor. And, more oft than not, they don't represent my actual feeling but turn more into unwavering rants about why people (and oftentimes women, particularly) suck. So... I almost always end up deleting them. But then, once in a while, I'll write how I actually feel. Usually it'll be a big long list of everything that's bothering me and causing me grief... but these always get deleted because of (a) typically, someone that's made the list reads this and I'm way to nice to let them see it, (b) they typically involve particularly challenging aspects of majoring in theoretical physics, and/or (c) aren't something that I feel I can share with those closest to me, let alone complete strangers on the world wide web. Now, I know what you'll all wondering? "What do you end up posting?" Well, one of the above cases manages to work its way in here and further increase the belief that I and others hold that my thoughts and I are useless pieces of shit... ... or something like this pops up. What is this? Just a waste of my time... but an effective tool for forgetting my problems, at least for a few minutes... And now... back to your regularly scheduled programming. Feeling:
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