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Phys(ics)Geek
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"When that last king of Hollywood, shatters his glass on the floor... and orders another, well, I wonder what he did that for?"
I've been reading a lot of Ginsberg lately... it makes me feel bad because I have nowhere near the descriptive prowess that he had... Do you ever get the longing to just sit and talk to a person like that? I was just think how unbelievable it would be to sit and listen to Ginsberg's take on the current world... alas... that's a whimsical as wanting to know what Jesus thinks of the Internet... I'm quite tired. I find that, despite the psuedo-resolution to some difficulties I've been facing as of later, I'm still having a hard time focusing on any one particular thought at a time. This has always been a problem, even when I was (as I have recently restarted) meditating every morning to center my head... Anyway, as I was saying I'm having a hard time focusing on one thing, save for when I'm working on physics or the like. For instance, this morning, after my thought-experiment, I was sitting on my back porch, lounging, reading a quantum mechanics textbook and drinking coffee... and I wasn't really focusing on the quantum (it was rather boring, as wavefunctions tend to be... but hey, once you've read one quantum book they're all pretty much the same) but instead my thoughts kept wandering to my neighbors. They were out in their back yard working... and I just kept analyzing them. The wife was pissed off at the husband, it was very obvious. I'm not quite sure why, but she was giving him the serious cold shoulder. He seemed depressed... he was trimming hedges with an electric hedge trimmer and it looked as though he was thinking of taking it to his neck. The kids were out playing, as per the norm, but they weren't really playing happily. The girl was on the tireswing kind of moping about a bit, and the two boys were playing what appeared to be a game of "Shoot the Iraqi" ::shudders:: (these aren't the most enlightened people mind you), and seemed to be more focused on arguing over who was to be the "Iraqi"... Anyway... not a happy bunch. Perhaps it's the father's obvious alcoholism (late a night once in a while shouting to the locked front door "Baby! I'm sorry! I love you... ::sobs:: FINE!!! You fucking bitch! You fat fucking bitch! I'ma get my gun if you don't let me in this second..." not exactly the sweet nothings that he should be whispering in her ear, but to each his own.) And the mom isn't too nice either, though I'm convinced this has a direct correlation to the drunkard of a husband she has... But that wears on the kids... in fact, its ruining their lives. The boys are becoming just like the dad, angry and violent, even... and the girl is becoming submissive and oppressed. Not a whole lot I can do though, except pick up the phone when I hear "I'ma get my gun..." and hope that the Wife gets enough sense to run... Though, I'm no expert on them, I don't even know their names... but I like to think... (And I don't want to sound pompous here...) I'm better than him. In fact, I know that I'm better than him. The guy is a weakling. He isn't a real man. Sure, he thinks he is because he goes out on Friday nights and drinks a case of beer, and then threatens physical harm to the ones he loves because they have enough sense to not open the door when he comes home like that. He is the antithesis of me. I am nothing like him. I've never been drunk, I've never threatened anyone with a gun, I've been in one fistfight in my entire life and that was because Patrick Walters pushed Vera Michael's down on the playground in 5th grade and that wasn't right. I hate people that feel the need to pick on those they deem weak. He thinks that she's weak and the kids are weak so to make up for his own feelings of weakness, he picks on them. I'm sure he does a lot worse than that... He is no man. It's a shame, really. It's a shame that there are people like him in the world, people who can't even comprehend what love truly is and that they're addicted to something that's going to cause them a lot more grief than the trivial (by comparison) problems its causing now. It's a shame that he treats her like that... because, I don't know her or anything about her, specifically, but I'm pretty confident when I say that no one deserves to be routinely , threatened, let alone harmed (just a feeling, I have no real evidence)... It's definitely a shame for the kids... who had no choice in the matter. I mean, if I had grown up in that kind of home, what are the chances of me being a physics major that's going to graduate summa cum laude, who has been on the Dean's List every quarter he's attended college, and who is going to go to one of the finest universities to one day be a Philosophiae Doctor? It's possible, though the probability would be low... I don't know... maybe I'm lucky, I guess. I didn't draw the short straw, and I have good karma... But damn... if that's the case... it's got to make one wonder whether or not luck can change... Then, I realize something. It's not luck... Not mainly, at least... What causes the gap between he and I is one simple thing... Education. Education is the key. Why is it that the bullies in school always pick on the smart kids? They're not jealous... they're threatened. I'm almost positive that guys like my neighbor weren't the geeks in school. They were guys that cut math class to go smoke. They guys that picked on the smart ones and the weak ones... That's karma. The moral of the story, kiddies? Don't fuck up in school... even if you come from a broken home with an alcoholic father and a bitchy mom. Or else. ::shakes fist:: :-P Feeling:
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