|
Phys(ics)Geek
|
|
"Won't you fall down, on me... 'cause I'm all alone, and you ain't comin' home..."
Sometimes I feel like I've ruined my life. It comes down to what I know, what I do, and what I feel inside... I know a lot and have no route to express it, what I do is obfuscated to the point that I barely even know what it is that I do sometimes, and what I feel inside is an unwavering sadness capped by loneliness, fear of failure, fear of sucess, fear of the future, fear of discussion and more than anything fear of living a life that serves no purpose other than a meager contribution to the inevitable heat-death of the universe. In the battle between my better angels and my inner demons, the latter have the upper hand. Whenever I have any sort of relationship with anyone (friendship, romance, or otherwise), I always make a bad first impression, redeem myself with my omnipresent wit and intelligence, and then as I really start to feel comfortable in getting close to the person, I inevitably do something stupid to show them what I momentous ass and loser I really am... and they leave. It's blanket... it always happens... and is applicable to any and all relationships I've had or will ever have... I'm supporsed to be happy. I'm definitely going places in the physcics world, I'm doing well for myself financially, I even feel confident most of the time... but for all the things I have going for me, I cannot shake the feeling that none of that matters to anyone, that the general view of 'Kellen' is derogatory by nature... so I'm sad, and lonely, and don't feel like leaving the relative safety and comfort of a terminal window... Because though my work is abstruse and confounding at times, it follows set rules a regulations which have been laid out beforehand... it doesn't change. I need a drink. Feeling:
|