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Phys(ics)Geek
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"Thanks for the ball dad, c'mon let's play..."
My Dad died when I was 12. He smoked cigarettes for twenty plus years, and drank alcohol just as long... He spent the last years of his life working hard so that I could have nice things, and though he was divorced from my Mom, offered an added layer of stability to my life. The year after he died, I missed over fifty days of school... had it not been that school was easy and just made me bored, I'm sure I would have been held back... but when a kid has the highest grades in the school, you can let things like missing that much school slide. And of course, they were excused absences. I was really sick. Symptomatic and all. It was psychosomatic... I'm convinced of it. I don't know why... but I'm sure it had to do with losing Dad. I've been thinking a lot lately about whether my father would be proud of me, were he alive. I'm sure he would... valedictorian, high SATs, accepted into top schools, studying theoretical physics, headed toward a Ph.D. and maybe even scientific greatness... I ponder a lot whether I deserve all that I have... I also wonder if, maybe had my Dad not died so early if I would have been the same, would I have spent all those long, lonely hours cooped up in my room, away from the world and lost in academics... I read a lot of books as a kid, especially in middle school. I couldn't get enough knowledge at the mediocre school I went to, so I sought satiety elsewhere... mostly at the public library. My mom, she used to get frustrated at how often she'd have to drive me to the library... it's rather funny now... In middle school, I read a lot of books about math and physics, but also a lot of drama, and science fiction... and if my Dad had been alive, maybe I'd have spent a little more time outside playing than inside reading... I miss my Dad... nobody knows it but me... and, now you. Truth be told, this is the first time I've really said anything on the matter in great detail since it happened... That's sad, really... Feeling:
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